Bringing the lols since '91

Given how wonderful a group of people they are, I feel I should pay my respects to the class of 2012. That makes it sound like they died. They didn’t. Thank God. Anyway, your presence may now be gone from the halls of Maryville College, but each of you has left a mark in your own small way. Truth be told, this has been one of the most surreal and jarring set of goodbyes I’ve ever made. The fact that you won’t be returning with me this fall has sorta broken my heart, but I know that you all were ready to move on and do great things in the world. 

Ellison Berryhill: I remember you as the only other male on my trip to Ghana, and knew we’d get to know each other real quick with our nightly bedtime conversations. At first you struck me as distant and cold, someone with a minute personality. Some of the best memories I have from the magical land of Africa were just silly antics between the two of us. I grew to have a deep respect for your academic dedication, and it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if you were a presidential candidate some day. You are someone I’ll easily miss the most out of all the former seniors. 

Jade Watts and Erin Carter: I put you two together because you were inseparable. The JD and Turk of the school! I always welcomed your presence, and how could anyone blame me? You two lovely song birds always seemed upbeat and quirky, and there was always a slight air of mischief about when you arrived. I’ll miss your catty attitudes, as well as your sweetheart hugs. I hope both of you keep singing, because you have the voices of angels. 

Justin Kirkland: I know it hurt for you to leave, Justin, but know this: It hurt Maryville just as much to say bye to you. You were a part of the spirit of Maryville, involved in every way possible. I’m not sure how you managed to be a part of so many different groups and organizations, but each of them will feel your absence this coming year. I’m not sure what sort of person you’ll be, but I wouldn’t be too shocked if we saw your name on the cover of a bestselling novel in the not-too-distant future. Good luck, brother. I’ll see you in another life. 

Bridget Sternisha: I’m not sure there’s much to say about you except “damn girl!” I always love a spitfire, and you were certainly the chief sassafras of the year. You always balanced your unabashed honesty with thoughtfulness and care. You were the one who said what needed to be said, spoke what everyone was thinking, and fought for your beliefs even if it meant having to make a few people cry. You’re tough as nails, but sweet underneath. Sort of a sexy Hilary Clinton. 

Masen Smith: I always thought of you as the dark horse of your class. You at first seemed like a nerdy cynic, but ended up surprising me as a very thoughtful person. You may not have been the MC golden boy that ended up on those silly “stretch your mind” brochures, but you represented a certain group on campus that I loved: The Carnegie porch crowd, the late night pool players, the gamers who had to take a break to smoke a cigarette. I really don’t know what sort of job a philosophy major typically takes on, but I hope that you find something worthy of your keen intellect and wit. 

Patrice Bartges: What the hell am I going to do without hugging you every day? Patrice, you were essentially happiness and joy bottled into a person. Everything was an adventure, all your tasks met with a smile. That unbridled enthusiasm for everything was inspiring at times, and I know you brightened everyone’s day. That genuine heart of yours is going to take you places, and I think you’ll end up changing many lives for the better. 

Craig Owens: Craig, you were always the “meat and potatoes” of the school. You always had a “call it like it is” attitude, except you weren’t just spouting off a bunch of stupid bullshit. You had the common sense and manners of a true southern gentlemen. I know you’re now off to work as a teacher, and that’s something very much driven by passion. Knowing that you’re off doing something you truly love makes me so happy, because I know the same drive that got you through all those college years is going to lead you through a wonderful career where you can influence hundreds of students. I hope you do great things and keep having fun with life. 

Nam Phuong Thi Dang: Nam, Jesus Christ, you little asian firework. Who the hell is going to replace you?? At first you were just that sexy korean girl I knew from Bonner, but I eventually grew to know you as a burning energy of pure oriental attitude. Okay, asian jokes aside, I really will miss you. You worked really hard, not only to graduate with honors, but to actually become a U.S. citizen. Plus, I know you really cared about your Bonner work and other world issues. I can’t remember if we ever talked about where you were heading in life, but I imagine you’ll ultimately prove yourself as unforgettable to everyone you come across. 

Zach Pickett: I’m having deja vu here, Pickett. This is the second time I’ve seen you graduate! I’ve always thought of you as the most brilliant man I knew, and either the savior or destroyer of our world. I know I haven’t seen the last of you, as you aren’t leaving any time soon. Still, one doesn’t have to go out into the world to change it. You’re the most cunning wizard I’ve ever come across, and I vaguely remember something about a religious revolution you planned on bringing to the students of the college (sorry if I remembered wrong, I wasn’t exactly sober). I feel like there couldn’t be a better man for the job, and I’m glad you aren’t someone who’s just going to abruptly disappear from my life. 

Nicole McNabb: Sweet little Nicole, isn’t it sad that it took us so long to become friends? Throughout most of my college career, I’d heard of the infamous “Nicole McNabb parties” that took place just down the road, and only just starting enjoying them as an upper-classmen. I like to think I’m your “inebriated guardian angel”, because I’m sure we both know how many times drunk me has taken care of even-drunker you. Ha, not necessarily the best way to think back on it, but it’s all in good fun. I hope you’ll stay down the road throughout my senior year so I can keep enjoying your parties and helping you find your way to bed at the end of the night. 

GL Waynick: GEE BAY-BEE! I had to say it. GL Waynick, you’ve been my brother since I first got inducted to DKE, and I’ll miss you dearly. Out of the three presidents I’ve seen in my time at this fraternity, you were easily the best. I didn’t initially picture you as a good leader, but you really proved me wrong. While you may have been stern at times, you created a great atmosphere of discussion without holding us up on bullshit for too long. I think you did a perfect balance between business and brotherhood, and that’s just what we needed as a fraternity. Leadership aside, I think the best memories where the days where we’d sit out on your back porch and talk about the ways of life. You’re a damn good man, GL, and I’m proud to call you my brother. 

There are so many more of you that I could write books about, but this post has really emotionally exhausted me. I know everyone hates to see you go, but this has proven to be one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever had to make. It’s going to be tough letting you go, but I think you all led by example and each impacted me in different ways. I’ll be sure to keep you in mind as I try to do the same this coming fall, and I hope I’m as ready to tackle the world as you all were by my graduation. I’ll miss all of you, and….yeah, I’ll say it, I love you guys. I really do. 

Good luck.